is this what i am
just something you use to kill time
is this what i am
I want the beautiful parts of you to touch the ugly parts of me. I think we’d make each other better people. I’d make you so safe. You’d make me so uneasy. Let’s build a boat. Let’s take it into a stormy sea and leave the life vest on the shore.
So my best friend doesn’t have a lot of luck with girls. The ones he likes are often, for lack of words, arseholes. And the ones who like him, he doesn’t have any spark with.
But, six weeks ago, this all changed. He met a beautiful, funny and smart girl… who, low and behold, liked him back. Hallelujah! The whole thing was immediate. They had nothing in common and yet everything to teach each other. He was laughing more. His job stopped bothering him. He had a spring in his step. He came to life. Incredible!
Of course, there’s a glitch. She was leaving. Forever. You see, she’s from the other side of the world and her visa runs out at the end of the summer. Unbearable. So my question is… Do you go all in for something and make the most of every second, even if you know it might be short-lived and very painful? Or, do you protect yourself and shut it down, before it’s even started?
I’m proud to say, against everyone’s advice, apart from mine, he went for it! They lived in each other’s pockets for those six weeks. Showed each other things that can never be taken away, and shared moments that can never be replaced. And sweet Jesus, someone finally taught that 28-year-old man how to cook!
But now… I walk into his room to find him curled up, a face ravaged by tears and longing. She’s gone. And taken his little heart with her. Their goodbye was beautifully brutal. But even now, when I asked him if it was worth it? He whispers, “Yes”.
I too don’t believe in protecting yourself if it means missing out on actually feeling something - be it good or bad. You can never guarantee that you won’t get hurt but I can tell you from my own experiences, it’s the things in life you don’t do that you regret. I’ve learnt so much more from my trials that I have my triumphs. Tomorrows are terrifyingly unpredictable. But if there is someone in front of you who may or may not be forever, I urge you to grab them. All we really have is the now. So you may as well enjoy it!
Ultimately, my friend’s pain will fade, but the memory of the summer with one of the most wonderful women he could ever hope to meet, never will. And, who knows? They may even see each other again. I hope so. I miss their cooking… And she still has one of my dresses. Awkward.